For various years, now, I’ve been investigating a area of information so arcane and threatening that I needed to go off my research as a joke, lest the reality of the matter show an excessive amount of for peoples’ minds to deal with. It was a programme of analysis I hoped to protect you all from, not less than till such level as my inquiries had begun to recommend some type of defence in opposition to their object. But alas. We have reached some extent, now, the place I really feel it’s higher for mankind to face its adversary armed with what scant learnings I’ve acquired, than to proceed within the security of ignorance. Cometh the hour, they are saying, cometh the person. And I can inform you now, buddies: the hour shall be 2pm GMT tomorrow, on Friday March 27th. And the person shall be Jason Statham. For I’m going to impart onto you A Complete And True History Of Jason Statham In Videogames.
EGX Rezzed, as you’ll hopefully have gathered by now, is happening by way of a collection of streams as “Rezzed Digital” this yr, as a result of Awful Disease. There has been some extraordinarily enjoyable stuff on air already at this time, and people streams are being archived on this publish right here on your perusal. I recommend you watch them via fortification, buddies, and take what cheer you may from them. For when the clock strikes two tomorrow, there shall be no extra enjoyable and video games. In the grim darkness of Friday afternoon, there’s solely Jason.
You would possibly suppose Jason Statham hasn’t been in lots of videogames. And that’s precisely what he needs you to suppose. During my lecture, which is able to take the type of an in depth powerpoint presentation streamed reside on YouTube, accompanied by my soothing narration, you’ll be taught in any other case. You’ll uncover the horrible secret that hyperlinks these two seemingly disparate fields, and a complete world will unfold earlier than you. You will hear about video games like Fyst and Stabyrinth, and concerning the forbidden console often known as the PlayStatham. You will uncover what actually occurred in Jupiter’s orbit on July 25th 1983, and you’ll be taught that ET was not only a rubbery movie puppet, however a actual alien man. An actual alien man who was battered to demise by Jason Statham.
You’ll be taught greater than you thought attainable. And when it’s throughout, you’ll be prepared. What for, I can not say simply but, however belief me – you will have all of the preparation you may get. I’ll see you at 2pm tomorrow. Bring crisps.